How to Approach Women – The Old School Way

by John P Morgan on 24 September 2010

In the realm of self-introductions, you may expect there to be only two options:

  1. Man introduces himself to woman.
  2. Woman introduces herself to man.

But this ain’t the case brother.

Hidden inside these two possibilities is a very natural, very attainable and much more common middle ground.

It works like this:

  1. Man displays attractive qualities.
  2. Woman notices man and finds him attractive.
  3. Woman subtly communicates her interest to man in her eyes, her hips or her smile.
  4. Man notices woman’s subtle communication and takes it as an invitation.
  5. Fearlessly and without hesitation man wanders over and says: “Hello”.

Now you might consider this to be an introduction by the man. It is, but the fact that our man was subtly invited into her space is a critical difference.

If women aren’t noticing you as someone attractive, you have two options:

  1. Overcome the deeply embedded fear of entering a woman’s space uninvited and get really good at making her OK with it.
  2. Start getting noticed by women as someone attractive.

Most advice out there on introducing yourself to women is focused only on #1 – overcoming your fears.

This is important and you must do this or you will be missing out on an incredible number of opportunities to meet someone special.

However, by being solely focused on overcoming your fears, you are likely neglecting to be attractive in ways that would make life much easier (and more fun) for you.

I am suggesting that you start working on #2 as well.

Start getting noticed by women as someone attractive.

Instead of focusing all of your energy on how to push though fears of entering a woman’s space uninvited, you could also put some energy into being the kind of guy she’d notice, smile at and give you a look that says “Hey there, come and talk to me…”.

You may be thinking, “Well, I don’t have the looks for women to smile at me or give me that kind of eye contact.”

When I say “attractive”, I am not talking about looks.

In case you didn’t notice, women can much more easily be attracted by non-physical qualities than you can.

In other words, if you have the qualities a woman wants in a man, then she doesn’t care if you are physically attractive anywhere near as much as you care that she is!

How to Get Women Inviting You Over with their Eyes, Hips and Smiles

I have a friend named Tagmac who dances Salsa. He’s amazing. The dude was literally born to dance.  All he has to do is show up at a Salsa club and start moving and the girls queue to dance with him. The only ones who don’t are the intimidated ones.

Imagine that?

Imagine doing something that makes you so attractive that girls were intimidated to come and talk to YOU?

What would that feel like?

A couple months back Tagmac and I were out on the South Bank along the Thames in London. There was a guy doing aerobics with a little boom box, so we walked up and just started dancing to the music.

Out of curiosity, people passing by stopped and watched us and it wasn’t ten minutes before a couple of cute twenty-something girls from Switzerland came over and said: “Hello”.  (Actually, more like “Halloooo”.)

Tagmac doesn’t just dance in the literal sense; he dances through life.

(Sort of like my other friend Emma. Check out her videos.)

He dances through life, waving his arms when excited and bursting out loudly with laughter when something is funny….he is alive and wherever he goes, the people around him, women included, see, hear and feel his dance.

And most women find this very attractive.

When I was at University, I was literally surrounded by thousands of beautiful girls. (Playboy even ranked my University as the number one party school.)

However, none of those thousands of girls stopped me on the quadrangle, none of them came over to my desk at the end of class and none of them came and sat down next to me in the cafeteria.

Yet in the evenings, I’d play a gig with my band and the moment we finished, girls would come right up to the stage and introduce themselves.

You might be thinking, “I’m not going to be a rockstar or a salsa dancer”, but that’s OK because I’m not talking about doing something so extraordinary that women throw themselves at you. I am talking about being someone who women find attractive and give subtle invitations too.

You will get these subtle invitations from women whenever you put yourself out there in any way; like teaching, speaking, playing sports, competing in something or creating something that you care about.

It can happen in public too. A woman may simply notice you confidently interacting with people at a bus stop or talking enthusiastically with a store clerk, find that attractive and catch your eye with a smile.

This is not about being someone you are not.

It is however about this: STOP NOT being who you are.

Stop hiding inside of yourself.

Don’t look at me like that. You know exactly what I’m talking about.

Start being who you are – bigger, louder and without any apology.

Imagine this…

What if you did things you enjoy with such passion and such presence, that the people around you could literally see it?

What if you worked with such incredible strength and direction, that those around you could actually feel it?

What if you laughed and smiled unbridled around women you didn’t know?

What if you began saying aloud all of the brilliantly intelligent thoughts circling privately inside of your head?

What would your life be like then?

I mean besides the fact that women around you would notice, find you attractive and give you subtle cues to come and talk to them?

How would it feel to live your life in this way?

I’ll tell you exactly how it would feel:

Fucking incredible.


Please share this and comment below, because I’d like to know what YOU like so that I can be sure to publish stuff you find valuable and want to keep coming back to read more!

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1 James Tripp 29 September 2010 at 12:07 am

This post is beautiful John. Dull and grey doesn’t cut it. Zest, sparkle, energy, love of life… dance, sing, throw yourself in wholeheartedly… and PLAY!




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