How to Become Extroverted (Using a Wristwatch)

by John P Morgan on 7 September 2010

I’m not so sure it’s true for blondes, but certainly extroverts have more fun.

Or rather, people who are being extroverted have more fun. (We’re all more outgoing at some times than others.)

I went out recently to do some filming, but didn’t really feel like interacting with people, so I came up with a quick fix using my wristwatch. It’s an example of the kinds of things I do to get myself into an extroverted mood, so that I can meet more interesting people…and have more fun!

If you have watched this video, then please share this video and add your comments below, because I would love your feedback!

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 roclafamilia 21 October 2010 at 12:14 pm

Helpful blog, bookmarked the website with hopes to read more!

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2 James Tripp 28 September 2010 at 12:57 pm

Sorry, I meant to write “identify WITH such a limiting label”

J

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3 Ali Asghar 12 September 2010 at 12:06 pm

hey jp,

another great video… demonstrates integrity also – you practise what you preach.

anyone can ask themselves… ok, what do i feel comfortable asking a complete stranger right now, without feel anxious etc… and then ask a few people that question! momentum builds!

if anyone still finds themselves feeling locked up, the easiest thing to do is to talk to people who are paid to be nice – waiters / waitresses, shop assistants, etc, before asking strangers public… from there just work their way up!

i loved the ending!!! so… what ever happened in the end?? lol

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4 Jayne 8 September 2010 at 5:03 am

Hey John:) Love your videos! This is so true… I just started dating again and forced myself to hug the person upon meeting them, regardless of how awkward it was each time. It seems to almost get the discomfort out of the way up front and kind of breaks the initial barrier of figuring out how to make it okay to touch a stranger you’re meeting for the first time.

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5 John P Morgan 8 September 2010 at 8:53 am

Thanks Jayne! Yea, it totally helps. You’re right about touching too…this must be why I hug everyone I meet! Never thought about it before, but it definitely helps break the awkwardness down quickly.

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6 James Tripp 7 September 2010 at 11:34 pm

Cool video John!

Makes so much sense – if you want to be extraverted, figure out what you need to do to be that when you need to. More sensible than that Myers Briggs crap that sticks you in a box.

James

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7 John P Morgan 8 September 2010 at 8:53 am

Cheers James!

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8 Parkey 24 September 2010 at 2:58 pm

I must beg to disagree with you on the thing about Myers Briggs James. My understanding is that MBTI doesn’t place you in an Extraverted box or an Introverted box, it says that you are able to do both but points to a preference for one over the other.

Introverted people are often completely misunderstood, especially by those who are especially outgoing. A friend of mine recently posted this, and I think it explains us as a group quite well.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/

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9 James Tripp 28 September 2010 at 12:59 pm

Hey Parky

I used to be crippled by fear in social situations. I really wasn’t good at socialising or interracting with people, and used alcohol as a crutch. Things were bad – really I just wanted to read a ton of books and avoid people. Interacting with people drained me to the point I would have to sleep loads during the day (I guess sleeping is the ultimate introversion) to recharge my batteries. This was a problem, that was holding me back in my both my professional and personal lives. My official Myers Briggs profile of about 5 yeas back was INTJ (by a licenses MBTI assessor).

For me, saying you have a preference, which is true for YOU on an identity level is putting people in a box. Call it the ‘your preference IS’ box. I call this a limitation based in unprovable conjecture. And not at all useful in helping people develop. (though it can make them feel better about who they THINK they are).

One of the things I hate about MBTI is that it encourages the kind of thinking that leads people to say things like:

“…I think it explains us as a group quite well.”

Why would you be so keen to identify with such a limiting with a label? You are not an ‘introvert’, you are a human being, filled with potentials that systems like Myers Briggs deny. We are developmental beings!!! We learn and change and have fantastic potential for personal evolution, MBTI tries to tell us that this is not so. It robs us of power and potency. If you really want to understand people and how we develop, check out Spiral Dynamics (a good rough model) or Robert Kegan’s work (Kegan’s is more sophisticated) – models that recognise human development and dynamism. They may just set you free.

All the very best

James

P.S. If I seem a little heated about this, it is because I am very passionate about it.

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10 James Tripp 28 September 2010 at 1:38 pm

I read the article ( http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/ ) – what a shame!

A whole justification for “why I am like I am”. A passive resignation. Yuck.

AND I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO THE GUYS POSITION… because I have been there.

Forget Myers Briggs, there really are only TWO (insert irony marker) types of people in the world; those who seek to rationalise and justify why they are how they are, and those who decide who and how they want to be and get busy becoming it.

The latter path is significantly more challenging and definitely more rewarding. The former is resignation and stagnation.

Please don’t mistake my passion and strong stance for a lack of empathy, it is because I have so much empathy that I am so passionate.

‘Introversion’ is like a prison, it sucks. I recommend escape, and Myers Briggs won’t help you (because it is one of the wardens).

All the very best

James

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11 Parkey 28 September 2010 at 2:24 pm

Yes that is exactly what I mean. “Oooh an introvert! That’s terrible! He should strive to get better!”

It is bad and he should change because of how you feel.

What if he’s the person he wants to be and happy?

I think that perhaps the strength of your own experiences leads you to perceive being an introvert to be such a bad thing. I am glad that you have addressed your own personal issues, but I think it would be a mistake to assume that it is the same for everybody else.

12 Parkey 28 September 2010 at 1:42 pm

Hi James

I’m not about to defend MBTI or indeed any other model as definitive. I absolutely agree with you that we are all dynamic – both in terms of context short term, and over the long term too. Let me give you an example, my MBTI came out as “INTP”, in particular very very “T” (ie a huge preference for rational thought over emotional reasoning), but I have had to learn use and access my emotional side much more recently in order to experience hypnosis for myself. I am sure that the same can be said for the other three supposed scales.

Maybe some people see MBTI as static and putting people in boxes. I just see it as a useful landmark when I try to navigate my own behaviour and that of others around me; it’s not the only reference point I’d use, nor does it stop me from moving around on the landscape.

My only objection is when being an introvert is somehow painted as not being acceptable, that it must be seen as a deficiency or an inherently bad thing, and that introverts must feel duty bound to become more sociable all of the time. Why should we feel obliged to conform to somebody else’s idea of how we should be and feel? We may be developmental beings, but what if we’re happy with who we are?

All the best,
Richard

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13 James Tripp 28 September 2010 at 11:12 pm

Totally Parky, IF people are happy, that’s fine… no problem.

BUT… there is a downside to introversion which most introverts feel. That is, the discomfort of social interraction. This is often a major impediment to building quality relationships – and especially intimate relationships. And many ‘introverts’ know it and feel the pain of it.

Here’s a quote from your man’s article:

“Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?”

Does this sound well adapted and functional to you? Are ‘introverts’ happy to be ‘awkward in groups’ and having to be ‘dragged to parties’ or needing ‘the rest of the day to recover’. If so – super!

But if all of this is ‘not a problem’, why is the guy writing about it in these terms? Or is he just saying that it is only a problem because the ‘introvert’ is so sorely misunderstood?

I would never want to assume something was ‘wrong’ with someone, but many ‘introverts’ do feel the pain of social discomfort, and missing out on potentially rewarding relationships as a result. And some of those people may like to know that it doesn’t have to be that way – but they may not get to discover that if their worldview gets tainted by BS like Myers Briggs.

Just to add, there is no scientific validation for MBTI or the assumptions upon which it is built. Now I’m not saying it needs it, but if it cannot be proven to be true, we need to assess it at least in terms of functionality (usefulness). Their may be some contexts in which it is functional, but as a way of labelling yourself so as you can abdicate responsibility for your character does not seem functional beyond a means to stick ones head in the sand.

Please don’t buy into this crap Parky – its just astrology with a veneer of psuedoscience.

All the very best

James

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