How to Find a Soul Mate (Five Easy Steps)

by John P Morgan on 6 October 2010

This article is not about finding a predestined “soul mate”.

It is about finding a woman who you are so incredibly attracted to, so totally enamored by, so completely connected to and head over heals in love with that you ignore logic and assert with flawless belief that the two of you were created for each other and destined to be joined together now and forever as – soul mates.

This article is about finding a woman who will feel like your “soul mate”.

And this is what really matters isn’t it?

As long as you are waiting for fate to grace you with a woman who radiates beauty and health, supports your vision and direction and is intelligent and sexually open…you’re really just playing the lottery man.

You’re leaving life to chance.

There are countless women in this world that could be your soul mate.

You brush shoulders with them on city sidewalks, catch their eye contact from across the bar, bump into them at the market.

If you want to find a soul mate, you must be pro-active.

Maybe you have actually met a soul mate before. Maybe you’ve even tasted her lips or enjoyed an ecstasy filled night with her.

Just because you find a soul mate, doesn’t mean a relationship will form or that the two of you will live happily ever after.

You are responsible for making this happen too.

Step 1 – Design Your Perfect Partner

Many guys focus on learning how to pull physically attractive women into their world and then wonder why they don’t end up in a relationship with someone who fulfills them.

I’m not going to pretend beauty isn’t a factor for men, because it is. However, if you are focused only on this, then your chances of getting into a relationship with a woman who has all of the other qualities you want is pretty low.

Obviously there is no such thing as the “perfect partner”, but by striving to find her, you’ll end up with someone better and also you will spend much less time dating women with no chance at becoming a soul mate

Do you know what you perfect partner is like?

Do you know what qualities you want in a woman?

Be honest with yourself.

You don’t have to tell anyone. Make a mental list (not a written list and I’ll explain why in a bit) of all the things you want.

You can start with describing what she looks like, but I suppose you’ve got a good handle on that already. So dig deeper man.

What is she like? What does she do for you? What does she want and allow you to do for her? What does she care about? What are her values?

Think through your own values, your past relationships and what you really want in someone you’ll be with long-term.

Once you’ve designed your perfect partner, you need to go find her.

Step 2 – Meet Lots of Women

The more women you meet, the more chances you have of meeting a soul mate.

This is pretty straightforward.

As far as a strategy for HOW to meet lots of women who have a higher potential for being a soul mate, you will have to wait for me to finish the free e-book I am in the process of writing. There is simply too much material to fit into a single article.

If you want this free e-book, then get yourself signed up using the form on the top right of this page and I’ll send you a copy once it’s complete, which should be in a couple of weeks.

Step 3 – Be Open-Minded

In your search for a soul mate, you must seek the perfect partner while at the same time holding in mind the truth that finding her is impossible.

My best relationships happened with women who I initially didn’t think I’d end up with.

Within a short time of meeting each of them I’d judged that they were not my perfect partners and yet we spent enough time together to get know each other in new and surprising ways. As a result, I came to love and know them each as a soul mate.

This could take minutes, weeks or even months; depending on how much time you spend together. Nevertheless, it is much more likely to happen if you’re open-minded when meeting women.

Don’t judge too quickly, especially on things that change like habits and career or on things that are trivial or relatively insignificant.

Remember, that the cliché “opposites attract” is true. As is the fact that couples with different personality have longer and happier relationships.

Stay open-minded when meeting women and at the same time, you must never settle.

Step 4 – Never Settle, Let Love Override

You may have noticed that I have presented you with a paradox:

Seek the perfect partner, but be open-minded.

As with so many things in life, the answer exists in the balance.

But how do you find the balance?

The trick is to NOT confuse settling with falling in love.

Settling happens when you negotiate with yourself.

If you find yourself comparing and contrasting; thinking things like “She isn’t as attractive as I would have liked, but she gets along with my friends well…” or “She is not as supportive as I would have liked, but she’s fun…” – then you are settling.

On the other hand, if you find yourself forgetting about your “perfect partner” (this is why you didn’t write it down) or if you find yourself doubting that you ever really cared about certain qualities and thinking things like “Why did I say she needed to be blond? That was stupid…I don’t really care about that.” – then you are not settling; you are allowing your positive experience to change what you want.

If desire to be with her makes you forget about your “perfect partner”, then you are letting love override.

Unfortunately many guys want the best for themselves so strongly, that although they may be open-minded, they fear allowing love to take them beyond their idea of a “perfect partner”.

Step 5 – Do Not Fear Love

Some years ago I met a beautiful German girl at a small Flamenco show in the basement of a pub in southern Spain. She was captivating and I liked looking at her, but she was drunk and chain smoking – not my type.

As we talked though, I felt something about her pulling me in. It didn’t make sense, but I went with it anyway.

We spent the following week together sharing, holding, looking, talking, touching…and then one evening, for no apparent reason, I said to her, “You know…I’m not in love with you”.

She looked at me strangely. I had no clue why had I said such a thing. Throughout our relationship over the following years however, it became clear why I had said it.

I was afraid to love her.

I was afraid that loving her would distract me from what I wanted at the time – both in life and in a woman. I had created so much pressure between my fear of settling and my love for her that the truth had literally leapt from my mouth.

Do not be so stuck in your search for a “perfect partner” that you confuse settling with love, fear love and miss out on finding a soul mate.

Another reason guys may fear love, is that they fear loss.

“What if she’s not that into me?” or “What if I scare her away?”

Unfortunately, I can’t get you out of this one man. This is the essence of life.

The pleasure of love is inextricably bound to the pain of losing it.

If you want to feel love, you must be brave enough to feel loss.

BONUS: Keeping Your Soul Mate

“Step 5 -Do Not Fear Love” isn’t just about finding a soul mate. It’s about keeping her as well.

Confusing settling with love, fearing love and fearing loss are a few of the reasons that although I’ve been with women who were like soul mates, I am not with them any more.

When you find a soul mate, do your best to keep her.

I can tell you from experience, that each time you start searching for a soul mate, it gets harder and harder.

You owe it to yourself, you owe it to her and you owe it to all of us tempted into believing that people have souls, that pairs of these souls are meant for each other and that sometimes these people cross paths, connect, fall in love and the two of you get to live happily ever after.


It would be great to get YOUR feedback on this. Is it useful  to you? I know you ladies are reading this too and it would be great for us guys to know your thoughts as well.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Anon 7 October 2010 at 1:44 pm

Nice point about guys still needing to put the effort in. Seems like modern life is all about getting what you want in as little time as possible and while I’m not convinced of the “soul mate” philosophy, I do agree that the world is full of people who will fill that gap. For a while at least…


2 John P Morgan 8 October 2010 at 2:58 pm

Thanks Anon! What “soul mate” philosophy are you not convinced of?


3 Parkey 6 October 2010 at 10:26 pm

Another interesting post!

I am going to have to have a chat with you about this next time I see you.


4 John P Morgan 7 October 2010 at 9:15 am

Cool Parkey! Not sure when that will be. Any thoughts in particular?


5 Parkey 7 October 2010 at 12:45 pm

I really need to get to those meetups in London more often.

Yeah okay, my thought comes from the interpretation I got when I read the word “settling”. You’re using the word in terms of “settle for less” whereas at first I took it to mean “settle down”.

The experience of being with any partner in any relationship will feel different after a few years, once settled in a relationship, to how they were right at the beginning. I guess the difficult bit is weighing up moving on and finding somebody else against staying settled.

Does that make any sense at all?


6 Anon 7 October 2010 at 1:53 pm

I agree with you entirely, hense my “for a while at least…” comment. What is Right, now, may not be Right later and whatever is left or that perfection may need a change in direction at the end of the road. I think that staying together until “the end” is unnecessary in today’s society.


7 John P Morgan 8 October 2010 at 2:59 pm

Agreed, except that I don’t think it was ever necessary in most societies.

8 John P Morgan 8 October 2010 at 2:56 pm

Yes, it makes sense. Staying in a relationship obviously presents a larger set of challenges than the ones I raised about settling for someone. There are so many factors that can come once people have been together awhile.


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