3 Steps to Winning a War With a Woman (And Why You Must)

by John P Morgan on 20 September 2010

You know the kinds of women who bust your balls within the first minute of meeting them?

“ Hi, what’s your name?”

“ Jessica.”

“ Hi, I’m Bob.”

“ Where’d you get that shirt Bob?”

“ Ohhhh….ummm….hah….heh….”

I like these kinds of women.

Some guys might think, “Oh, she’s not very nice”, but I bet that most actually find her confidence attractive, sexy even, and are simply intimidated by her.

Poor Bob.

Before we get into how to defend against her little sucker-punch of a statement, let’s look at why she’s doing it.

Men say hello to Jessica constantly. If she took the time to converse with all of them, she’d be giving away much more time to random dudes than she wants to.

Whether she knows it or not, Jessica is filtering the guys she meets based on some criteria of hers.

In a social context, Bob has started a conversation with Jessica and with no evident reason for doing so. She thus makes the fair assessment that he fancies her and is interested in getting to know her intimately.

On an unconscious level, Jessica is filtering to determine whether or not Bob is worthy of her time in the context of intimacy.

Simply put; a man worthy of Jessica’s time in this way is a man who can defend himself against her banter

Jessica is testing Bob.

Most women desire a man who can stay rooted when situations are challenging.

A challenging situation may be, for example, her being in an extremely emotional mood, as she is when she is deeply alive in her femininity.

Masculine strength is demonstrated by being unmovable when such emotional winds blow.

This is not to say that men shouldn’t have and experience emotion, but there are times when a woman needs a man to be strong, so that she may fully express her feelings.

(Another example would be the general challenges of life. Will Bob get blown over when life gets tough or will he stand tall and strong and protect Jessica?)

If Bob can’t take Jessica’s sucker-punch-comments, then how the hell is he going to deal with her when she’s had a shit day and just wants to feel bad and express this to him?

Jessica decides who is worthy of her time and of her everything else too. This is her right.

If you are intimidated by her and cannot deal with her emotional test, then in actual fact, you are NOT worthy.

Your only option is thus to become the man that she needs you to be.

So no tricks Bob. No gimmicks.

Be clear – this is NOT about bowing down to every single woman’s unique desires. Such a “puppy dog” approach will make you unattractive to most women.

This is about cultivating the characteristics of a confident man, which make you more attractive to the majority of women.

Got it?

Good, then here we go….

Step 1 – Accept the Truth That She Intimidates You

To reiterate – the problem isn’t what she is doing, it’s how you are responding to what she is doing.

Now some women can certainly be over-the-top, but ultimately this is subjective and every guy will have a different opinion of who is and isn’t a bee-otch.

If you really don’t like how she talks to you, then walk away, however, it is crucial that you are honest with yourself about WHY you are walking away.

Your self-honesty will set you free.

Are you walking away because she is actually a bee-otch or because she scares the shit out of you?

If the first, then fine leave her be.

“ Have a nice life Jess,” you say with a smile and a wave – your middle finger subtly extended beyond the rest.

If the latter, well then congratulations!

By admitting this to yourself, you’re halfway to becoming a stronger, more confident and more attractive man.

Step 2 – Get an Empowering Perspective

Where are you looking for approval?

On the inside or on the outside?

The moment you feel intimidated by a woman’s comment, realize you are placing more value on her opinion of you than on your opinion of you.

You’re looking outside to determine your value.

That is the wrong place to look Bob.

I’m not going to be too hard on you for this though. It’s natural. It’s human. On some level, we all instinctively care what people think of us.

However, this auto-function needs some checks and balances to make sure it’s helping you and not hindering you.

You need to be like Bond. James Bond.

You think he looks on the outside for approval? No way.

An easy way of getting an empowering perspective on someone’s negative comments is to pretend the comments are coming from someone whose opinion you already do NOT take seriously.

For example – when a little kid calls you a Mr. Poopy-Pants.

(If that makes you mad Bob, then I’m sorry, but you’ve got no chance with Jessica.)

Seriously though, try shrinking her down in size and age in your mind. When she becomes like a child in your imagination, you will find it easy think to yourself “Oh, that’s cute. You think X totally ridiculous thing about me. Awwwww.”

Let me tell you something you already know Bob.

Nobody is better than you. Nobody. You aren’t better than anybody else either. But NEVER let anybody make you feel like they are better than you. Ever.

Got it? Good.

If you can shrink her down in your head, stay strong and comeback at her comment without flinching a muscle, then you may actually have a shot.

Step 3 – Talk Some Smack Back at Her

Obviously I can’t tell you want to say, but I will give you an example and then break down the psychology of it.

“ Where’d you get that shirt Bob?”

“ Jess, I’m not going to let you start picking out my clothes yet.”

“ Hah…maybe you should though. It’s pretty bad!”

“ Are you trying to get me to take it off?”

“ Ummm…no thank you.”

“ You’re welcome. Where did you get that?” you say condescendingly and while pointing ambiguously towards her.

Get what?”

“ That!” you say pointing again.

“ My necklace?”

“ No, that attitude!” you say with a twinkle in your eye.

“ Hah…oh very funny. I’m tough!”

“I know, I like it… Hit me again.”

Now delivery is certainly fundamental in making something like this work, but if you’re relaxed and feeling strong and confident, then the delivery will naturally be effective.

Let’s break it down.

Response 1

“ Where’d you get that shirt Bob?”

“ Jess, I’m not going to let you start picking out my clothes yet.”

Firstly this suggests that you know she doesn’t like your shirt and that you don’t care.

Secondly, you are suggesting that she cares about what you are wearing, which is an extension of suggesting that she is interested in you.

Lastly, by suggesting a future with you and her together, it demonstrates your confidence in discussing the undercurrent of your intentions.

Response 2

“ Hah…maybe you should though. It’s pretty bad!”

“ Are you trying to get me to take it off?”

This simply reframes her persistence as her trying to get you into bed. Again, you are simply flipping it back on her.

By talking so quickly about intimate things, you are demonstrating your real confidence and in a sense saying: “I know you’re only giving me a hard time right now because you are filtering for a sex-worthy partner.”

Obviously, this is also moving the energy of the banter towards a flirtatious flavor.

Response 3

“ Ummm…no thank you.”

“ You’re welcome. Where did you get that?”

She slightly backed down, but her “no thank you” was still a bit of a dig on you. It’s as if she is saying “You’re not an option, so don’t even bother”.

However, her small point of weakness here is the perfect time to attack. You do so by putting her on the defensive with your question: “Where did you get that?”

Response 4

“ Get what?”

“ That!” you say pointing again.

“ My necklace?”

“ No, that attitude!” you say with a twinkle in your eye.

First, by meta commenting (commenting on the comments between the two of you) you are demonstrating your awareness, which is attractive.

Second, by saying it with a twinkle in your eye, you are actually suggesting that you like her attitude. This makes the statement a cocktail of both sweet and bitter in that it accuses her of having an attitude (bad) and it compliments her for having attitude (good).

Response 5

“ Hah…oh very funny. I’m tough!”

“I know, I like it… Hit me again.”

Your previous response got her to relax a bit, which is evidenced here in that she accepts your compliment by admitting your humorousness.

She also follows your lead by giving an explanation for her comments: “I’m tough!”

Finally, you round it off by confidently and flirtatiously asking her to continue: “I know, I like it… Hit me again.”


At this point you have won the war.

Well, actually you’ve won the battle. And with a woman like Jessica, you can certainly expect many more battles.

I’ve got to be honest with you Bob; you’ll never really win the war with a woman.

But shit man, fight. Fight, fight, fight. Because you have to or she’ll leave you.

Remember, she is testing you for the emotional strength she needs from you.

Whether it’s five minutes into meeting her or five years into a relationship, if you ever stop fighting she will leave you emotionally, sexually or literally .

And you don’t want that.

I Get This, But I Still Don’t Know What to Say!?

Chill out Bob! I’m going to set you straight here too.

There are a few secrets to always being able to come up with stuff to say to a woman, whether it’s just a general conversation or hard-hitting battle-banter.

If you’d like to learn these secrets, then you’re in luck because I’ve got a FREE 30 minute video tutorial for you.

Click here to watch the trailer and find out how you can get access to it.

Remember to focus on accepting when you’re being intimidated and on getting an empowering perspective.

And if you want some real-world practice, then go ahead and wear that shirt this week….

Yea, that one.


As always, I’d love to know your thoughts on this – both men and women – so please share and comment below!

Facebook comments:

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Parkey 23 December 2010 at 1:20 pm

After my history of losing horribly at every game of tennis I have ever played I would like to thank you for telling me which end of the racquet to hold, and that there’s a ball…


2 John P Morgan 23 December 2010 at 8:51 pm

Cheers Parkey!


3 John P Morgan 6 October 2010 at 9:09 am

I just discovered this quote…which fits this article perfectly…

“I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I’m out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best” ~Marilyn Monroe


4 Oldpuller 5 October 2010 at 9:50 pm

I messaged a woman on POF with the standard, your good looking, but what else have you got to offer line. I got a really offensive reply, I dont even remember what it was it was so bad. So, having read up on Pua, I replied with “you will have to try a lot harder if you want to offend me”. The message I got back was “If you are a man, I will love you for ever and ever”. Figure that out!


5 John P Morgan 6 October 2010 at 12:11 am

Hah! That’s an odd one. She sounds like fun!


6 James Tripp 20 September 2010 at 9:58 am

Ha! Brilliant!

Right, geek comment here… I love how you respond ‘You’re welcome’ the her “No thank you”. You just ignore the ‘no’ bit and respond to the ‘thank you’ – that response alone manoeuvres you out of the bad frame. So sweet.

Not sure I like the ‘battle’ and ‘war’ framing, however… as you know, personally I prefer the frame of ‘play’.

Overall however, top stuff!



7 John P Morgan 20 September 2010 at 10:15 am

I was hoping the “battle” and “war” frame along with the banter and analogy to talking to a child would make it come across as actually play fighting. It certainly is all about having fun!


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